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Flash Fiction: Uncle Henry’s Study

Every once in a while, I’m intrigued by a Flash Fiction challenge on Chuck Wendig’s blog. So this week, you had to pick random elements by dice roll from his lists to make your story. I managed to pull:

  • Alternate History
  • Dying Earth
  • A locked door
  • A perilous journey

So all these together had me create “Uncle Henry’s Study” – enjoy!

Mother packed my suitcase before dawn. There was only room for a few things, so she wouldn’t let me choose. She selected blouses and stockings, skirts and even a pair of knickers I wore for gardening. She put in an extra pair of sensible shoes. “There will be no need for patent leather, I think,” she said thoughtfully, and set aside my Sunday best. She packed my best sweater too and brought down my thick woolen coat.

“It will be cold,” she explained, “where you’ll be going.”

I sat at the edge of my bed, still in my pajamas.

“Tell me again,” I whispered. The pre-dawn darkness made me unwilling to disturb the silence. “Tell me again what it’ll be like.”

Mother stopped packing and sat beside me. She was a refined woman before the war started, the daughter of an army colonel who grew up near Kensington Gardens in London. She had met my father at a military luncheon and chose to be a lieutenant’s wife, breaking my grandfather’s heart. Grandfather was cavalry once upon a time; my father, so thoroughly modern, was in the Royal Air Corp, far away now at war.

Mother smoothed down her skirt. “It will be cold,” she repeated, “and very dark. That is what we’ve been told. I cannot tell you more except that. It’s all a bit of a mystery.”

I didn’t want to think of the cold. England could be cold, of course, but the way she said it you’d think I was going to the Arctic Circle itself. Perhaps I was. Nobody would tell me.

I shook my head then. “I don’t see why you can’t come with me.”

My mother squeezed my hand. “We’ve been over this, dove. During the blitz, the order is to evacuate only children. Perhaps I’ll be able to follow after.” She stood up then and walked to the door. “There’s enough room for you to pick one special belonging and bring it with you. Just one. Change your clothes and bring your things downstairs.” Her voice thickened for a moment. “And don’t forget extra socks. There should be some in the cupboard.”

Once she was gone, I stared around my room. What did one bring when you were abandoning home during war? We were not as wealthy as grandfather but I didn’t lack for belongings, each with their own memory.

I dressed first as a way to drag the process out. I knew that I should pick something adult, something I could grow with and grow into. Who knew when I would return, or what would be left when I did? I remembered the bombed out buildings in town, the craters where someone’s life had once been. I thought about my china tea pot smashed as an explosion flattened our home, or my dance shoes burned in the raging fire afterwards. I wanted to save it all.

Instead, I chose the smallest of things. It was an old fountain pen, passed down from my grandmother to my mother and to me. It was ornately decorated with swirling leaves around an ivory body. It was easily the smallest but most precious thing I owned. It slipped easily into the pocket of my coat. This way, I could fit more socks.

I finished dressing and tiptoed, coat over my arm, downstairs. I could hear mother talking with Uncle Henry in the foyer. Uncle Henry worked for the Royal Applied Sciences Division, whatever that meant. It was Uncle Henry who brought home the gas masks when the Germans had dropped poison on London. It was Uncle Henry who brought home the radiation pills just before we had evacuated the city to the house here in Kent. We were some of the only people to have them when the Bomb flattened London, so many miles away. I remember the words he said after the screams on the radio died in a hail of static. Nuclear, they said.

“They are death,” he had intoned, “all of them. They have destroyed the world.”

Now he stood, his hands clasped behind him, at the bottom of the stairs.

“If the others knew we were sending her, instead of Norton’s children,” Uncle Henry was saying, “he’d have a screaming fit. But she’s the one, Helen. Your little girl will survive this.”

“Is there no chance for the rest of us?” Mother asked.

Uncle Henry’s face fell then. “It’s hard to say. But the Germans have deployed their Thul Society men with some kind of poison in the water. It’s only a matter of time. Their top madman wants nothing but to end it all. And it’s happening soon.”

I leaned forward, my breath caught. The end? The stair under my foot creaked and Uncle Henry looked up. His smile was gentle.

“Lucy,” he said quietly, “I suppose you heard.”

I didn’t answer, but threw myself into Mother’s arms.

“I won’t go,” I said fiercely.

Mother took my chin in her hands. “You will,” she pressed. She looked over her shoulder then, at the door just under the stairs. It had been locked as long as I’d been in the Kent House. It was Uncle Henry’s study and we’d been forbidden to try and get in. I had been horribly curious, but now my knees grew weak.

Upstairs, I heard feet thump on a hallway riser. All three of us froze.

“Bollocks,” Uncle Henry exclaimed, “Norton’s awake.” He took my hand then and tugged me down the hall. “We have to go, Lucy. Now!”

“Mother!” I exclaimed.

Uncle Henry pulled me from her arms so hard I nearly dropped my suitcase. He produced a brass key from his pocket and lead me to the locked door, thrusting the key into the lock. Upstairs I could hear angry voices and feet approaching on the stairs. My heart thudded in my chest and I heard in my ears again: she’s the one. Your little girl will survive this.

The key turned in the lock; I looked back one last time. My mother, ever the lady, stood poised at the foot of the stairs. “Remember your socks,” she called after me, “it will be cold!”

But as Uncle Henry opened the door, I heard her whisper, “I love you, dove.” And I was forever glad that those were her last words to me, and not some nonsense about the weather.

 

By: Shoshana Kessock – June 27, 2013

Wendy Davis, SB5 And The Night The People Screamed Out The Clock

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Senator Wendy Davis. Because c’mon, she’s kind of khaleesi right now.

The Texas Senate on June 25th. A senator I never heard of before today started a filibuster. And the internet exploded.

This is what democracy looks like. This was a night of surprising political drama. And I was watching.

It started with some chatter on my Twitter feed. Apparently, the Texas State Senate was voting on a bill to limit abortion rights in the state of Texas, a bill called SB5. Senator Wendy Davis took on the monumental task to filibuster in an attempt to hold out the Senate until the 12PM deadline. She got up to make her case in front of the State Senate at about 11AM. And she stood there for ten hours. During that time, the senators that wanted the bill passed found a couple of instances to call her on violating the rules of a filibuster. Those rules state that a person must continue speaking or else they cede the floor. They cannot sit down, or lean on anything. They cannot take a break or eat anything or go to the bathroom. They just keep talking.

So Senator Wendy Davis talked. And talked. Until nearly 10:30 when she was called on some BS infraction. At this point the Senate tried to call for a vote. And a miraculous thing right out of the West Wing happened: the other senators opposing the bill jumped in with every bit of Robert’s Rules of Order and parliamentary procedure they could to try and stall. It was like watching every John Grisham film crossed with every good episode of The West Wing.

1044421_886702040003_1648403451_nTo watch the live stream of the Senate, it was the most riveting thing. Here were people struggling against the intentions of other lawmakers to push through a bill to deprive women of proper medical support. And they were doing everything they could to find the words, to find the questions and precedents, to keep the discussion going as long as they could. Two senators along with the heroic Senator Wendy Davis deserves a call out. Senator Kirk Watson did his best to take the points that Senator Davis got called out on and tried to hold the floor.

But it was Senator Van de Putte, who came from her own father’s FUNERAL to get into the fight, who got the most amazing quote of the night. When the President refused to hear her point of order, she said: “At what point must a female Senator raise her hand or voice to be recognized over her male colleagues in the room?” Boom. Mike drop.

Those trying to kill the bill made it until fifteen minutes to midnight. It was nail-biting. And at thirteen minutes to midnight, they looked set to lose the fight. The President of the Senate started to call the vote. It looked hopeless.

And the people screamed. The gallery above the Senate erupted as one and started cheering, shouting, screaming, no matter what. State troopers and cops came into the gallery, lining the walls, and started trying to clear them out but to no avail. They locked the doors to the gallery, witnesses state, and kept them in there. The President of the Senate tried to quiet them but they wouldn’t be quiet.

They shouted. They cheered. They screamed. And they RAN OUT THE CLOCK.

A bunch of Senators stood on the floor, confused and looking lost as the people in the gallery showed just how much they cared about making sure women’s choice was protected. And the clock hit 12PM. The people ran down the clock on a Texas Senate and blocked the vote. At least, that’s what we thought. As it did, the President of the Senate was trying to get everyone to vote. He gathered the senators up close to the podium so they could hear correctly and then called the vote.

Let me be clear. I was on YouTube with over 100,000 other people watching as the senators called a vote after midnight when they should not have been able to do so. As soon as that happened, democratic senators called them on it, stating: “It’s after midnight.” Twitter and Facebook exploded into madness over it and people began shouting it down from the gallery. The senators disappeared and for a while, nobody knew what had happened. Was it legal? Wasn’t it? We online went to Twitter to follow what was going on, scouring for information. Sources began tweeting that the official legal record of the vote stated that it was held on 6/26 – that is AFTER midnight and therefore it would not be a legal vote. Only nine minutes later, the same website record stated it was 6/25 after all – someone had changed it! But the internet was watching, folks, and that doesn’t go unnoticed.

Time stamp states the vote came in 6/26
Time stamp states the vote came in 6/26…
...then magic, 6/25!
…then magic, 6/25!

And in case you needed a physical example:

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Meanwhile out in the rotunda, a livestream captured everyone staying put with shouts of “Hell no, we won’t go!” The democrats were pulled back into a closed session to decide if the vote was legal while around the country, everyone waited.

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Senator Wendy Davis, presumably reminding the GOP leadership how to tell time.

At nearly 3AM it came down from Wendy Davis’s twitter, passed to the people in the rotunda. The bill was recorded as coming in at 12:03AM. As of my writing this at nearly 4AM, the bill is reported to be dead.

And that is because of the people. Those people in the gallery rose up in a voice I had never heard before, the energy electric, to shout down a bill they did not want to see get passed. For the good of women’s health, they blasted it out with thirteen minutes of screaming and shouting and cheering. And of course, there is Wendy Davis.

Senator Wendy Davis started this yesterday with a filibuster I had never heard about. She got up on her feet and for ten hours, she didn’t sit down or stop talking. She did this because she believed that this bill needed to be stopped and she was willing to sacrifice her comfort to do it. She was willing to stand up and have her voice heard to be the face of people across Texas and even across the country who believe in a woman’s right to choose control over her own body. Because of that choice, she did what few people have the guts to do – she spoke truth to power and she helped her cause win. Wendy didn’t finish the filibuster out at midnight but the people did it for her.

There are few times I can say I’ve seen political moments that captured me to the core. This was one of them. I shouted at my computer, tweeted more than perhaps I ought to have, snarked with people on Facebook and joined people across the internet in solidarity with the folks in Texas. Now, at 4AM, I can’t imagine having gone to bed. I got a chance to watch democracy at it’s best and watch as people tried to steal a vote and lost.

It’s also important to note that while this historic moment was going on, while this political drama that is integral to our nation was going on, the mainstream media sources had absolutely nothing going on. Nothing about this. They were not on the ball at ALL. Instead, information came through Twitter, shared from person to person through hashtags. When the livestream on YouTube inside the senate floor went down, it was a Ustream by a gentleman named Christopher Dido that got the world the information. When the announcement came down that the bill was killed, he was there. When Senator Wendy Davis came out to thank everyone, he was there. He was the only eyes for the 15,000 or more folks watching. So thanks to him, people could see what democracy in action looked like, while CNN was broadcasting stories about Paula Deen being a racist, the latest Kardashian story, rehashing old news cycles, and then reporting on muffins.

Congratulations internet. Texas Senate GOP, nice try attempting to reset the rules of time and invent an extra hour on 6/25. You failed. Let that be a lesson what people can do.

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Let’s Talk About Fear

This is a personal post. For that I make no apologies because this one ain’t going to be easy.

FEAR-IS-THE-MINDKILLER

When I first read Dune, I thought I was going to get myself into a story about blue-eyed alien folks, spices and giant worms. I had no idea that when I picked up that book I would learn one of the most important lessons in my entire life.

Let’s talk about fear for a moment, shall we? And let’s get a little personal.

I know a lot about fear, as many of us do. Growing up, I wasn’t especially brave, even though I wanted to be. I read comic books and science fiction books and all kinds of adventures about children who did amazing, wonderful things against unbelievable odds because they could be brave. I wanted to be brave. But I wasn’t. I grew up in a place where fear was the watchword, where people believed that everyone out there was going to be bad to you. Either they would treat me badly because of my religion, or because I was a girl, or just because. Only behind protected walls could I be safe, with my family as the only people to trust. That’s what I learned growing up, and I learned it so well that I carried it with me all the days of my life. I spent a lot of years afraid: afraid of people’s judgement, of the dangerous world outside, of losing things and of not being accepted. I was scared for a long time of a lot of things. And that fear was a paralytic. It still is.

It isn’t easy unlearning fear. Fear itself can take on so many forms – self-consciousness, doubt, guilt, rage – that if you have to find it, it hides very well behind lots of masks. You have to spend time stripping back those masks to really get at the heart of things. Growing up, I didn’t know any of that. I just knew that things were terrifying in the world and I wished it wasn’t so. I wished I could be powerful, like my heroines in the books I read. But mostly, I wanted to be able to trust people.

I remember reading The Chronicles of Narnia and marveling at Lucy Pevency as a character. (I thought she had a funny last name but never mind that, says the girl whose last name sounds like kissing socks). She always stood in my mind beside the characters I wanted to model myself after because she was not only clever, but sweet, and caring, and gentle. And she trusted others. She wasn’t foolish in her trusting, though she would sometimes make mistakes, but she understood what it was to give others another chance. She believed inherently that no matter who you were, you could always be better.

I tried to learn that lesson. I tried to hold it in my heart. And for years and years, I failed.

Let’s talk about fear. Let’s talk about what happens when fear gets reinforced.

Live a sheltered life and then come out in the world, and you learn quickly that things aren’t what you were told. First, the whole world isn’t full of horrible people who are different from you. You learn that folks are just folks. But you also learn that along with the good folks, there are bad folks too. And even when you’re careful, folks can still hurt you. If you grew up in a place where you don’t believe in trust, when someone hurts you that little voice rises up and says: You see! You were right all along! You were right! You can’t trust them! And that’s where bitterness comes from, folks, and anger, and lots of resentment. Enough to choke you straight into the ground.

Let’s talk about fear. And what it has to do with business.

If you’re afraid, you can’t create well. If you’re afraid of what will happen, of what the future will hold, of what people will think about your work, how you’ll be received – then you’re focusing in the wrong place. You’re focusing on a future that might never be and things that might never be said. You worry so much about what people will think about what you do that you’re not concerned with what you’re doing. You’re not living in the present. You’re not creating something good, but tainting it instead with your fear. And you mire everything you do in it. And if you think people don’t notice, they can and often do.

That’s not a condemnation. Far from it. It’s a sympathetic nod, an ‘I know’ from someone who does know. I know what it’s like to keep one eye to the future and think I’m being wise, and instead turn to look back at where fear has passed through me to see what is left behind. And after some consideration recently, I don’t entirely like what I’ve seen. Fear takes on lots of faces, folks – and sometimes it takes on the mask of your own face, saying ‘You’re just being smart, you’re just being careful’ when what you’re really being is afraid and self-protective. And that self-protection can drive you into nasty behavior.

Let’s talk about fear and how it can sometimes make you into the ass you never wanted to be.

I’m excited by the work that I’m doing. I’m excited about the projects I am working on. More than that, I’m excited by the path that my life is on and the people I’m spending my time working with now. Underneath all of that, for the last couple of years, has been a nagging fear that I couldn’t outrun, outwork, or outpace no matter how hard I tried. It whispered in my head, “You just have to keep moving, or else-” Or else what? What was I afraid of? What would happen? Would people forget my name if I stopped producing for five minutes? Or if I did one thing ‘wrong’, would people turn up their noses and laugh? What was I afraid of?

Failure. Ridicule. Mistakes. Suffering. Ruin. Being nothing. All of these things.

What’s at the heart of all these things? Fear. Fear is at the heart of them all. I was afraid of fear. I was driven by it.

And it has meant that I haven’t always been the best person I should be.

This isn’t an apology to individual people. I think I owe that to a few folks on a one on one basis. There are folks who haven’t deserved my doubt that have gotten it, whose motivations I’ve questioned without thinking about why I was questioning them because in my heart I can’t stop thinking: be afraid of that person, you don’t know what they want. Be a big scary dog and they won’t think to mess with you, won’t hurt you. Forget that it makes you sound like an ass sometimes. Forget that it’s a wall a thousand miles high between you and others, a wall almost impossible to climb. You’re afraid, you need that wall. 

I don’t need that wall. Not really, if ever. Not anymore.

This isn’t some kind of manifesto, a way to cure your problems or mine. This also isn’t some resignation to always be a smiling, happy, shiny ball of love and peace – I wasn’t made for that. I’m still the snarky, loud-mouthed, opinionated woman I always have been and probably always will be. This is something else, an identification and inspection of intent behind actions that have been tainted by fear for way too long. This is an identification of a problem, in the hopes that it helps to keep me honest going forward. I have a lot of great people in my life, and great work I want to do, and great stuff I want to share with people. There are a lot of folks who might read this blog, who might see me on Twitter or Facebook or at a con, and I want to share and talk to them and create with them some amazing, wonderful things. But I don’t want to do it from a place of fear. I don’t want to mistake caution for fear, or fear for supposed wisdom. I instead want to remember that fear is the mind-killer and let it pass through me so that I can be left behind and smile instead and say ‘whatever’ when my heart beats too fast out of anxiety for things that haven’t yet come to pass.

Let’s talk about fear, and how bravery isn’t its absence but the sum of what you do while it’s present. Let’s be ready to forgive myself for the days when I do fail and be prepared to apologize and course-correct when needed. More than anything, let’s see what I do from here.

My Thesis Given Form: Graduate School Thesis Preparation

When I was accepted into NYU’s first MFA class for Game Design, I knew I was going to want to do my graduate thesis on LARP. Despite the possibility of doing anything else related to games, I was sure that live action role-playing games were going to remain my focus throughout the program. That obviously hasn’t changed. I’m still a die-hard LARP enthusiast and I believe that there is so much to be talked about and written about and explored when it comes to the game medium. Recently, I was asked to put together my thesis proposal in preparation for my second year at the Game Center. Now that it has been accepted, I’m very pleased to introduce my thesis project to you.

My project is tentatively called Living Games, and I will be organizing and running a LARP conference at NYU in 2014.

Sounds ambitious? It is. The conference will (potentially) bring together LARP designers, enthusiasts, academics and professionals from across the world to spend two days talking about live action games. The conference is meant to bring together people from all forms of LARP, from theater/parlor games to boffer and Nordic and freeform traditions as well. Attendees will get to listen to lectures, sit in on discussion breakout groups, challenge themselves in a LARP game jam and then participate in games featured by attending designers.

Additionally, LARP scholars will be able to submit papers to a journal that will be curated alongside the conference by yours truly. A call for papers will be put out at the beginning of the fall semester with a physical journal to be released along with the conference, tentatively to be scheduled for April or May.

Like I said, ambitious.

Folks have asked me why I wanted to make this my project. I could have done anything. I was first of a mind to write a book on LARP, inspired by great writers like Jaakos Stenros, Markos Montola, Sarah Lynne Bowman, Evan Torner and Lizzie Stark. I could also have run a LARP or a set of LARPs and then reported on my work with documentation and perhaps an academic analysis of my work. Yet the fact of the matter is, I do plan on writing a book about LARP but I think the project would be much longer than a graduate thesis. And I run LARPs already on a regular basis, as well as work on writing experimental ones in my spare time. So that would not be a new experience for me. Moreover, while those are worthwhile, they don’t fill my one burning interest right now.

I really want to bring together folks who love LARP as much as I do to talk about why LARP matters.

LARP as a game design form gets a bad wrap. It has a public relations problem, it has an inter-geek community relations problem, and it has an inter-tradition problem between different branches of the hobby. It doesn’t have a ton of bodies of work to pull on for those inside and outside the community, and it often gets folded into other forms of roleplaying games when the design challenges and opportunities in LARP are often unique to the medium. Still, LARP stands as a performative games medium that can not only be a force for artistic expression all its own, but can serve to teach and inspire other forms of game design and collective storytelling… if its merits can be heard.

Moreover, if there were more places within the community to discuss and share ideas, the form could grow and evolve even further than it already has. There are great places already doing this around the world, like Knutepunkt, Intercon, Wyrdcon, Fastival, the Double Exposure conventions and more. Hell, I’m sure there’s plenty I’m not even aware of out there (but I’m dedicated to finding out about). Now, I’d like there to be one in New York, under the auspices of a great university like NYU with a history of supporting innovative artistic endeavors.

So that’s why I’m doing what I’m doing. In the coming months you’ll hear more about the project as it evolves. There will be a lot of learning curve for me – fact is, I’ve never run a conference before. There’s plenty to consider and not as much time as I’d like to do it in, but I’m going to get there. I’ll be reaching out into the community to find people who want to attend and especially people who might be able to help. There’s got to be other people out there like me, who’d love to see another meeting place for LARP minds springing up on the East Coast, and I’m going to do my best to find those folks and get us together to make it happen. The details? Well, the devil’s in ’em and I’m going to wrestle with that as we go along.

For now, this is the course I’m on. Let’s get it started.

Exploratory or Exploitative: LARP as Emotional Tourism

Not long ago I went to Knutepunkt, the Nordic LARP convention held outside of Oslo. As I mentioned in a previous post, it was probably one of the single most transformative trips of my life. One of the reasons for that was the intense level of thought it forced me to put towards LARP design. It made me consider, among other things, why I love LARP more than other gaming forms. I came to the understanding through that week that I adore LARP because of it’s ability as an immersive, performative form to allow me to experience life through a different lens for a little while. It gives me experiential knowledge of being inside a simulated environment that is tactile, sense-based and interpersonal in a face-to-face setting. That to me makes LARP, above other kinds of roleplaying games, a special kind of interactive experience.

Yet one of the ideas brought up at Knutepunkt and later when I returned to the US was the idea that LARP could be a form of emotional tourism.

What does that term mean? Emotional tourism is the idea that a person steps outside of their comfort zone to go to another part of the world to ‘live’ for a little while in the boots of another person. Sometimes that can be benign, like going to couch surf on someone’s futon on the other side of the country to see how people live there (see: house or apartment swapping). Yet the negative use of the term emotional tourism usually is leveled at folks who will travel somewhere less prosperous in an effort to experience how other people less fortunate or more at risk live. People seek out these experiences to be shook up out of their comfort zone, to really feel what it’s like to not live a safe life, and can be considered exploitative, the mark of the privileged trying to assuage guilt rather than really learn anything. Examples I’ve heard bandied around are rich children going to tour refugee camps in foreign countries, or volunteering to build houses in impoverished areas while ‘roughing it’ with the locals for a little while.

The term emotional tourism interests me on a completely different level – isn’t it good to be trying to help other people, even for a little while? – but putting that question aside, I was perplexed by the idea that LARP might be considered emotional tourism. Are LARPs a way to emotionally experience something that you don’t have in your every day life? Yes, perhaps. So is that exploration then or exploiting situations that aren’t our own for recreation? And is it one or the other?

Let’s build a scenario: LARP organizers decide to do a game based on a real-world serious topic, such as the plight of immigrant workers in the United States. The idea of the game is to have players work through the confusion of giving up everything you knew to find a home in a new country, especially if you have to seek that new home by dangerous and illegal means. The issue is a hot button one, so the designers abstract the game. They make it about two no-name countries in a heavily industrialized cyberpunk future, in which a non-technological country is going bankrupt and people must flee to a better land where they can get jobs. Players play the game on a camp site on the edge of a small city and must cross the acres of land to reach a checkpoint into ‘the city’, living by their wits to survive and get to their new promised land. Through the experience, players emotionally get in touch with feelings of isolation, uncertainty, guilt and a myriad of other feelings while getting a look at big issues like bigotry, immigration, economic issues, violence and nationalism. At the end of the game, they walk away from the game with a new look at these topics, so closely mirroring real world concerns through a game setting.

Now, one could say that the players are signing up for a weekend of ‘fun’ to experience these things, and that optional sign up and the implication that the experience is recreation for the players makes the game somehow more exploitative. In the real world, folks who experience the race for a better life across the US-Mexican border aren’t doing it because it’s a ‘fun’ artistic experience they’re having on a weekend with their friends. Yet players of a LARP can opt in to the game atmosphere to get a taste of these situations as a recreational activity. If the events become too intense, there is always the option to step away and return to their everyday lives, a fact that those in the actual situation cannot do. Is it then exploitative to take these real-world scenarios and parrot them in games for the exploration of gamers?

The question isn’t for LARP alone. Games which mirror real world content, such as first person shooter war simulations, by the same token could be considered emotional tourism as players are given the opportunity to ‘feel’ what it’s like to be in a battle. Yet it’s the immersion and live element of LARP that makes the question more immediate. Where the controller and video screen creates a medium boundary between the player and the world they’re experiencing, a LARPer does not have that medium between them and experience. Therefore the emotional intensity level can be ramped higher due to direct interaction with the intense environment.

I feel like perhaps this is the reason why roleplaying games have focused so heavily on fantasy content for so long. It’s easier to discuss questions of real-world issues when given a separating medium between you and the content. It’s easier to talk about racism when discussing the hatred between elves and dwarves in Lord of the Rings, or questions of slavery when playing in a post-apocalyptic setting like Dystopia Rising. Without that filter, I believe people encounter a discomfort with engaging with these big problems, especially when it could be construed from the outside – or even the inside – as emotional tourism from a place of privilege.

My answer to the question of whether LARPs might be emotional tourism is simple: yes, they might be. But they don’t have to be. The idea behind emotional tourism being a bad thing comes down to a question of intent. First, players come to games for many different reasons. Sometimes, it’s to emotionally express or experience. Sometimes, it’s just to hit lizard folks in the noggin with a latex sword.* But even if a player does go to throw themselves into a role, the reasons behind it are not always for exploitation of the plight of real world people. A player might go to experience something that helps them explore themselves, their feelings, and a new atmosphere that teaches them rather than lets them get a vicarious thrill. It’s that difference – the educational experience versus the vicarious visceral one – that sets the line in my eyes between exploration and exploitation, and that keeps me from feeling uncomfortable with the notion of LARP being the negative kind of emotional tourism.

Is this a cut and dry answer? No, it’s almost identification by degrees. But with more ‘serious’ games being run by the year – thanks in no small part to the spread of the Nordic LARP and freeform traditions into other countries – we are seeing more real world topics being tackled in ways that are devoid of fantastical medium, or at least more thinly veiled than ever before. Designers must, in my opinion, carefully consider why they’re creating their games and how they are representing these real world issues so as to keep from treading over that fine line into exploitative territory. Emotional experience is not a bad thing on its own – like many other things, it all comes down to the design.

 

* (Just kidding folks – don’t hit people in the head, that’s generally frowned upon).

“Mistakes Were Made” Aka The Front Person Problem

This article is about being the Front Man. The Front Woman. The Front Person. Please don’t look at the gender-use in the term and say I’m forgetting folks? Just getting that part out of the way now. Plus, this is going to be kind of long. So, on with the show.

This is an article about the Front Man and How to Apologize. I was on my way to writing an article about being the Front Man in an organization when the very smart Chuck Wendig pointed out some comparisons on Twitter that I could not ignore. Much appreciation for the inspiration here to Chuck because he had a good point.

This week there have been lots of apologies, and not all of them have been good.

The world of media seems to be the week of scandals the last few days. Paula Deen throws around racist slurs and then apologizes about having to apologize (in between still being a racist). Kickstarter has to shut down a ‘seducer’s guide book’ (aka how to be a creepy creeper in three easy steps) and has to apologize when they don’t quite get to it in time. And then there’s Gabe of Penny Arcade, apologizing for blowing his stack on Twitter over being one of the least trans-sensitive human beings in the public geek eye that I’ve ever seen. It’s been a week for apologies, folks. Or rather, for attempted apologies.

So let me pose a question: did folks forget lately that people are listening?

In the age of the internet, the world isn’t just about sharing information, it’s about sharing opinion. With the touch of a few buttons or keys on a keyboard, people can share their opinions on whatever comes up in the media. More than that, media is now created on different platforms than every before. I am old enough (brace yourself, that’s right!) to remember a time without the internet, when you couldn’t just turn around and get an immediate response from thousands of people on what you’ve said. However those days are way behind us and now, one word in the wrong direction can get someone negative responses all over the internet. For some people, that’s only negative responses within your own friend circle or community. For others, your reach is a lot larger.

The Front Person for a company, or a company in itself, has a public image it cultivates. And if it’s run by anyone savvy at all in the ways of business, that public image is crafted around the brand someone wants others to perceive. Sound calculated? It is, but just as calculated as how an individual wants to be seen among their friends. A Front Person or a company just has a lot more people watching, and are held accountable for their words and actions by lots of folks either as fans or consumers (or both). To understand that is to navigate the waters of business with reputation intact.

And what reputation? Whatever one a person wants to cultivate. Some folks just want to be themselves and be out there in the public eye as themselves, barring little to no agenda outside “Hey, I want to do cool things and share them!” or “My company is making quality products to share with our consumers, take a look at the great stuff we’ve got!” I won’t get into the more negatively calculating (aka: manipulative in the bad way) folks or businesses, because we’d get off topic. The point here is, with the internet as a forum, the message people put out there reaches so many more folks. And if that message includes something hateful, or even ignorant, or badly spoken, you will get in a whole lot of trouble. Fast.

Unless that’s the image you want. Unless you want to be ‘the dick’. Or the provocateur. Or just ‘that guy’.

In an age when it takes a lot to cut through all the noise of a million voices all jumping for social media attention, inflammatory views will certainly rise to the top. Is that person being inflammatory on purpose? Who knows. Unless you’re privy to strategy, you can’t know for sure. But a good hint is to look at how the person or company handles their apologies after something ‘bad’ happens. If an apology happens at all.

Example 1: Paula Deen gets caught spewing racist garbage. She puts out a forty-five second video that isn’t about how what she said was wrong. Instead, it’s about how sorry she is about having to apologize. An article recently pointed out that she’s like the thief who isn’t sorry they stole, but rather sorry that they were caught. That is the perfect analogy for this kind of response, and gives a hint to how this person does business in the first place. They aren’t apologizing for their actions, but for the fact that their public image has taken a hit. PS: People don’t seem to be falling for it, and Deen was let go from her Food Network contract.

Example 2: Kickstarter had a project funded on it that was, essentially, a guide on how to seduce women. Among it’s creepier implications, along with it just being kind of ridiculous and desperate to begin with, its a book written by a person whose Reddit posts have been tracked back to include implications of forcing women into sexual contact against their will. I’ll say that in plainer terms: the guy has implied previously that it’s okay to aggress on women sexually to get what you want. The book was funded but Kickstarter backers raised red flags just before the money was about to get sent through at the end of the project. Kickstarter didn’t stop it and the money went through. However, they issued a very seriously worded apology to their audience, recognizing that the project itself was a problem. They not only amended their terms to keep such ‘seduction guides’ from being put up on Kickstarter in the future, they also donated money to an organization that helps those harmed by sexual assault. They didn’t mealy mouth. They said it simply: we were wrong.

A pro tip on knowing when folks don’t mean their apologies? Check for the passive language. “Mistakes Were Made” is my favorite. Nobody there is pointed to to take responsibility whatsoever. Mistakes were made? By whom? Who made them and how? What is being done to fix the problem for the future? Beuler? Anyone?

Example 3: And here’s where things get complicated. In the geek community, Penny Arcade is a serious powerhouse. It’s a web comic, a brand of it’s own, and also the power behind the Pax conventions around the world. It has clout, not only in financial sense, but in influencing thought among it’s fans by view of the mouthpiece of their web comic, con and blog. So when one of it’s frontmen, Gabe (aka Mike Krahulik), goes ahead and says things that are hurtful to the trans community – after having a history of opening his mouth and hurtful things falling out- people take notice. He has self-proclaimed himself ‘a dick’ in blog posts when talking about how he speaks, so in his choice to just say what he wants, he insulted a hell of a lot of folks. And probably cost his company a lot of business in the process. Many who were previously unimpressed by the Pax frontrunner’s handling of the unimpressive ‘dick wolf’ controversy (if you don’t know what that is, check this out for a breakdown, or don’t if you want to avoid face-palming at the impressive insanity) have said enough is enough over this, including the Fullbright Company (creators of the video game Gone Home) who has chosen not to attend Pax over this. They won’t be the only ones.

So Gabe came out and apologized. And that assuaged a lot of folks. Now for me? I sat back and read the apology and something bothered me. It was a single line at the bottom. Gabe says that he should have stepped away rather than continuing to engage when he was angry, because he was angry at being called names. That’s effectively what started this. He didn’t like being called a name, and got mad. In the wake of the reaction to his words, Gabe then says he’s worried about how this will affect other businesses attached to his name, saying:

 I know personally I’m an incredibly damaged individual. I’m not really sure I’m the best foundation for all this other stuff. I don’t want to be the reason people don’t go to PAX or don’t support Child’s Play or don’t watch the shows on PATV. I hate the idea that because I can’t stop being an asshole I hurt all these other amazing things.

It was that line that made me take pause. Can’t stop being an asshole. Can’t. Not won’t. Can’t. As if the option has been taken out of his hands. That, sadly, is not the case. It is not the case for anyone. People choose what they say, even in the heat of anger. People choose how they act, even if they are damaged. People choose to be hurtful or to hold their tongues.

Mistakes were made. I can’t. Passive language.

Being a Front Person is hard. You’re in the public eye, you’ve got folks watching your every move. You have the right to freedom of speech, just like any other person in a free country. Yet if you build something, build a brand, and use that as a place from which to launch your fortunes and then build a fan following from it, you are responsible for the words that come out of your mouth. You are responsible for what you put forward, for better or worse, as any human being is responsible for their words and actions. Except you have a wider audience you’re reaching and therefore, in my opinion, cannot afford to be passive in considering your choices. Mistakes were not made – you made them. And you can learn from them, as Kickstarter did in their respectful and graceful apology, or stand by what you’ve said and be held to account for it by people who disagree with you. There isn’t such a thing as I Can’t and that doesn’t stand as an apology.

Now you might ask: where do you get off saying these things? Well, it all comes back to one thing. I’m now a writer, and a blogger, and a person out there writing things that lots of people read. Sure, not like Penny Arcade, no way like that. But apparently, folks read this blog (hi out there!) and they’ve read my work. I have people I talk to at conventions, on Twitter, on Facebook and in my personal and professional life. And every day, I craft my own image as Shoshana – a writer, a game designer, and a person just trying to be a geek in this crazy geeky world. And I don’t believe in the word can’t as an excuse if I hurt someone with my words. I speak about a lot of topics: game design, larping and feminist thought especially. If in any of those conversations I hurt someone, I hope that I will have the where-with-all to stand up and not say mistakes were made in a defensive way or I couldn’t help myself, but instead say the words hardest but most important to say in this world sometimes:

I am sorry. I was wrong.

I can only expect the same from people whose voice rings louder than my own.

UPDATE: I’ll point out one update that came in while I was formulating this article. Gabe has added an addition to his apology. He’s also donated $20,000 to The Trevor Project in response to the people his words may have hurt. And that’s a start in the right direction, just as Kickstarter responded by recompense to a charity called RAINN. I’ll let that stand for what it is and not beat the dead horse. Let’s hope this kind of thing stops staining the Pax community again and again.

A Writer Milestone – My First Short Story Published

The Lost Anthology by Galileo Press.
The Lost Anthology by Galileo Press.

“There are love stories in the underground. I’ll tell you one if you want. It’s a tired old boy meets girl, but it’s got some power to spark in the dark. You can sit and listen, can’t you? You look like you’d like a good love story.”

The other night I sat in my living room with my roommates and stared at a book in my hand.

The Lost Anthology had arrived. And inside is my first published short story ever.

The book has a gorgeous cover, designed by the talented Jeff Himmelman, who is also the designer of Kingdom of Nothing, the tabletop RPG setting in which the anthology is set. It’s published by Galileo Games, one of my favorite indie publishing houses, run by the fantastic Brennan Taylor. The volume was edited by the phenomenal JR Blackwell. Inside are short stories by many amazing writers, including my friends CJ Malarsky and Peter Woodworth.

And the first story in the book is “The Case of George the Curious” by me. It’s even got a quote from me on the back cover.

It’s a surreal thing to see your work in print for the first time. This isn’t my first publication – I’ve had a short scenario published for Cthulhu Invictus before and have had numerous blog posts and newspaper articles published over the years. Yet this story is my first short piece of fiction in a collection and right now, the book is in my hands. It hadn’t sunk in until that moment that this was a thing that happened. I’m so happy that it happened in this anthology as well. First, it was an anthology for charity for a company whose work I’ve adored for years. Also, I was around when Jeff Himmelman first started talking about Kingdom of Nothing as a game and got a chance to alpha and beta test the original tabletop, so seeing this in print now down the road from that design is a wonderful experience.

But also, I’m reminded of all the great writing coaches and teachers who pushed me along when I thought for sure that I couldn’t do it. Teachers like Helen Phillips at Brooklyn College and Maya Sloan at NYU, as well as John Adamus my ever-present editor and friend (dare I say mentor?), all made me a better writer. And because of that, this story exists.

Damn, this is starting to sound like some award ceremony speech. But victories and successes are always like that in my head, because no piece of work just came from a single person. The folks who get you there deserve the celebration as well. So thanks to all of those who helped make this moment – my first short story publication – a reality. A first achieved, bucket list item ticked off, much more to come!

Define Summer ‘Vacation’? (An Update On Work!)

The sun is shining. The air is humid in Brooklyn and I’m not in class. It’s summer in New York City.

And there’s work to be done!

The end of the NYU semester came and went with a bang. It was a real hustle to get through the end of the second semester, but I came away with a lot of amazing lessons I learned, not only about game design but about working with others, my own process of dealing with stress, and about myself in general. It was a process of self discovery as well as academia, and as hokey as it sounds it made a profound impact on how I want to work going forward. It was a breakneck pace of work that ended and then-

A break. Summer vacation. It’s meant to give you a chance to kick back and relax… right?

For most people past a certain age, summer vacation is no longer the bucolic months of adventure and fun that it is when you’re young enough not to work. For me, I haven’t had a real summer vacation in years. This is the closest I’ve had and yet I’m freelancing. And boy, has it been busy. Here’s been what I’m up to:

  • Phoenix Outlaw Productions, my company, is ramping up it’s creation process. Things were slowed due to many factors including graduate school and, honestly, the learning curve of a new company. Now I’m putting boots to ground on wrapping up Wanderlust, my tabletop RPG, and have begun organizing the schedule of projects we want to release. Stay tuned for way more information about that in the days to come.
  • June 1st wrapped creation of Wild City, a setting for the upcoming release of the Chronos Theatrical LARP System for Eschaton Media, co-written alongside Josh Harrison. Josh and I had worked on the core book of Chronos as well, so I’m excited to see the release going so well. You can learn more about it on Eschaton Media’s Chronos Facebook group right now.
  • I’m working with my fellow Team Awesome folks to get Octavia ready for submission for IndieCade. More information about that to come.
  • I was asked to come aboard the extremely successful Kickstarter for Trigger Happy by Caias Ward to write a stretch goal scenario, which I’m working on. It’s going to be about a kidnapped kid and what you’re willing to do to kick butt to get that kid back. Stay tuned for more information.
  • I’m working on the translation of the Heroine RPG into a LARP! I’m very excited for this project, as Josh Jordan’s game about girls on their adventures has been a person ‘I heart it so much’ project since I saw it on Kickstarter. I’m so excited to be a part of seeing it come to LARP.
  • I’ve been creative consultant to Michael Consoli on his video game Against the Wall and we’ve been meeting up

And speaking of LARPS – DEXCON. Oh my gosh, DexCon.

For those that don’t know, the Double Exposure conventions in Morristown New Jersey rock. Seriously, they do. I’ve been a regular at these conventions since 2006 and have enjoyed some of my best gaming experiences there. It’s no wonder that the work these good folks are doing is being recognized by the Diana Jones Awards with a nomination this year. I enjoy the hell out of all three of their conventions – Dreamation, DexCon and Metatopia – and would not miss one for the world. That said, I also enjoy the heck out of running LARPs and panels at their conventions and this year is no exception. My DexCon project plate looks like this:

  • The Unofficial Dresden Files LARP: We at Phoenix Outlaw Productions are proud to be wrapping up our first chronicle of our Unofficial Dresden Files LARP, started way back two years ago. The project has been very important to me and I’m so pleased to see us come to the end of the four game series with “Final Frost” this summer. After this, we’ll be going into another phase of the project, in which players will have dedicated characters in an ongoing chronicle setting. We’ve also wrapped up our latest version of the rules iteration, based of course on the wonderful Fate Core rules system, and based on iteration done at each of the conventions thanks to experience and great feedback from players. Saturday Night at DexCon, we head back to the Dresdenverse and we’ll see who survives the chronicle’s climax.
  • Battlestar Galactica LARP: At Dreamation I teamed with Mike Maleki of Last Minute Productions to come up with an idea for a Battlestar Galactica LARP. We were approached thereafter by Double Exposure to run this event as a signature LARP for the convention this summer. And so, “Straight On Til Morning: Tales of the Rising Star” was born. We’ve brought together our two teams to create a large game set aboard the Rising Star, a medical ship in the BSG universe. We’ve developed a brand new system inspired by more freeform LARP techniques to make this game an intense roleplay experience for folks. Come aboard and give it a spin on Friday night!
  • Night’s Black Agent Tournament – The LARP: It’s no secret I’m a huge Night’s Black Agent fan. Well, John Adamus has been involved in writing for the Night’s Black Agent tournaments for the incredible Kenneth Hite for a while now. Therefore when Pelgrane Press wanted to incorporate LARP into their tournament’s first round, we got the call! Myself, John Adamus and Josh Harrison have been working at building the first Night’s Black Agent LARP, where you can play a secret agent out to battle the vampire conspiracy threat! This will be the first round of the NBA Tournament – survive into the second round and see your team to victory.

Those are the three LARPs we’ve been working hard on for DexCon. Aside from that, I am also pleased to say I’ll be reprising two panels from the last convention: Women in Game Design and Let’s Talk LARP, a round table discussion with LARP designers. I’m also really humbled to be asked to a Wednesday night reading for authors at the convention. I’ve been asked to read from my recently published short story from The Lost Anthology by Galileo Press. And somewhere in there, I promise, I will eat a thing and sleep. Somewhere.

With all this going on, I’m also preparing for my upcoming convention schedule at GenCon, WyrdCon, PaxPrime and more, but that’s what I like to call ‘After July 4th Shoshana’s Problem’ (July 4th weekend being DexCon).

For now, I’m also reminding myself of the importance of balancing some summer fun with all this work- including attending great conferences like the recent Games for Change conference in New York, spending time with great people at Dystopia Rising (including at the new Pennsylvania game – congratulations to the staff there for an amazing first event!), and getting to see Neil Gaiman speak at Brooklyn Academy of Music the other night about his new book, Ocean At the End of the Lane (read it if you haven’t! It’s brilliant!).

That’s summer vacation, folks, and with that I’m off to get back into work, with a cup of tea and a lot of typing to go. More updates to come!

Blogging Writer’s Block

Wow, folks. Wow. It’s been a while. It’s been since the end of April that I posted anything on this blog.

So. Hi. I’m alive. And I’m sorry for being gone so long.

What kept me, you ask? Well, it’s simple. I had blogging writer’s block.

Blogging writer’s block is a horrid situation where you start to doubt your own voice and so everything inside your head gets congested into a ball of self-esteem woe and mess. You start to wonder if the voice you have to contribute to the industry, or the internet, or anything at all has meaning. So the idea of writing your opinions on things becomes a terrifying prospect. Hence, blogging writer’s block. I feel like there should be a shorter term for it. Bloggiblock? That’s me, hacking the English language since I discovered vocabulary.

But anyway – I shouldn’t have left for a while yet here we are. And I’m back. What changed, you ask? Oh, a lot of soul searching. The semester at NYU ended and I finally slowed down enough to take a good hard think about priorities and the work I’m doing. I sat down and had a few conversations with people about confidence, about other people’s judgement, and feeling good about the work I was doing as a whole. I thought about what was important to me. And I discovered one hard and fast truth:

I just really like to write.

It doesn’t matter what I’m writing. If it’s articles or RPGs, academic papers or LARPs, I just enjoy creating pieces of writing.

I also have opinions on things. And I like to talk about them.

This is not because I feel I am smarter or better than others. It is not because I want to spend my time writing about creating rather than actually creating (a criticism laid at the feet of lots of academics, and specifically at me recently). It’s because discussing art and having critical opinions on things makes for a better informed designer, and putting out opinions creates and perpetuates conversation.

So enough about writing blog posts, let’s get on to actually doing that. And you’ll see more of me. Promise. Because I have things to talk about.

LARPing Like It’s… Cold? Knutepunkt 2013 (Part 1)

How much can I get into one suitcase? Do I need a sleeping bag? And what does one wear to a Nordic LARP anyway? These were all questions that ran through my mind when I packed in preparation for my first jaunt overseas in a long while. I was going to attend Knutepunkt, the Nordic LARP conference held once a year in one of the four countries that make up the heart of the Nordic scene – Denmark, Sweden, Finland and Norway. I’d be spending four days in Oslo for the Week in Norway program and then would head up to the main conference up in Haraldvangen, a camp grounds on a beautiful lake. Looking back now back in Brooklyn, I realize I was in no way prepared for how much this trip would have such a profound change on my life.

This is Part 1 of my analysis of the whole Nordic LARP adventure. There’s so much to talk about I’m splitting it up. Pictures included are credited to their creators.

To Begin – What is Nordic LARP?

That question is a little harder to explain than one would imagine. People have been debating the actual definition for the movement for ages, so I don’t presume to have a good one just yet (if I ever will). For better and more concise explanations, I refer to Lizzie Stark’s blog. Or even better, check out Jaakko Stenros’s wonderful lecture in the Nordic LARP Talk series. But here we go anyway, let’s give it a shot, with a little context to the overall LARP community included too.

To those who are familiar with live action role-play games, or LARPs, a simple introduction would start by saying that there are lots of different traditions in the LARP community. Within the United States and abroad, the major traditions include:

  • Theater-style games: these are usually categorized as games that involve non-physical combat styles and simulation of events through description and symbolic representation.  Famous theater-style LARP systems include the Mind’s Eye Theater system by White Wolf for it’s World of Darkness setting. It’s meant to be (mostly) no physical contact.
  • Boffer games: This is a broad term for games that involve actual physical contact in their combat systems. Players use latex or foam weapons to engage in simulated combat, while magic and other supernatural events are symbolically represented using things like ‘spell packets’ (tiny bean bags or birdseed filled sewn packets) or light sources. These games tend to aim for more physical immersion in environment design to help drag the players into a What You See Is What You Get atmosphere.

While these are two of the predominant systems of gameplay in LARP, each full of their own traditions and development history, there is a third tradition that has been gaining more international attention in the last few years. That tradition is known as Nordic LARP and though as the name suggests it began in the Nordic countries, its influence has been felt across Europe and in recent years in the US, Canada and South America.

So what is Nordic LARP? It’s a tradition of LARP heavily influenced by artistic and theatrical expression that focus on high immersion both in environment and emotional/psychological engagement. The games in this tradition tend to focus on serious material and frame their games with workshops before the game and debriefs afterwards to present a well-informed and emotionally safe environment to engage in serious subject matter. The games also utilize what are known as metatechniques within the game to structure the play, drawing heavily from theatrical and cinematic influences. The culture also involves putting aside stricter goal-driven, ‘winning’ mindsets by encouraging players to often ‘play to lose’ so as to experience a richer story in game, as well as encourages players to create characters that let them play close to home and tie themselves emotionally to their characters. This can cause a lot of bleed, emotional cross-over from your character to yourself, which is something that Nordic LARP encourages for richness of play.

THE book on Nordic LARP.
THE book on Nordic LARP.

What develops out of these and other complexities of the Nordic tradition is a body of games that are deeply touching, well-structured, and immersive to players. The Nordic community is also heavily interested in cultivating a body of work which documents LARPs, since by nature larps are ephemeral and cannot be repeated exactly. For that reason, one can read up on some of the major games over there, like Mad About the Boy (based on Y: the Last Man), Kapo (a prison-camp LARP about internment and the loss of humanity during incarceration), and Just A Little Lovin’ (about the AIDS crisis in the 80’s in NYC). There’s also an amazing textbook on the community called Nordic LARP by Jaako Stenros and Markus Montola which has received critical acclaim, including winning the Diana Jones Award at Gencon in 2012.

Knutepunkt developed as the convention center of this developing community, a conference where games could be showcased and discourse on the art of making larps could be held. As far as I can tell, Knutepunkt is THE place to discuss Nordic LARP and welcomes passionate designers and players from everywhere once a year. This was my first time in attendance.

The Trip Over and A Week in Norway

I caught a flight overnight and arrived in Norway Monday morning. I was traveling with Chris, a DC area gamer and larp organizer that I met earlier this year at InterCon. We stayed together at a local hotel in Oslo while participating in A Week in Norway, the four day extended programming provided by the Knutepunkt organizers for those who wanted to cram more Nordic LARP experience into their trip. From Monday on they had a community house open with games and food available all day, and events planned for the participants. We did a workshop on rituals in LARP, a particular favorite tradition of the Norwegian designers, that took place inside a mausoleum. We listened to talks about Nordic LARP hosted by Nordic Larp Talks, including presentations by Jaako Stenros (co-author of Pervasive Games and the Nordic LARP book), Annika Waern (Pervasive Game co-author) and Sarah Lynne Bowman (author of The Functions of Role-Playing Games). And one of my personal favorites, we played a game called Limbo, held on a tram as it rode around the city and experienced being trapped in Purgatory.

Part of the events scheduled also included larps written by participants in the Larp Exchange Academy, an extension of the summer LARP Exchange Academy run in Vilnus, Lithuania in June. These brave souls traveled from their home countries to be holed up in a house in the hills outside of Oslo to spend three days writing LARPs. The results were some brand new games which we play tested during that week we were there. I had the pleasure of playing a game called Stereo Hearts, in which the players explored inter-personal relationships using songs on your playlist and recited monologues. I was at first skeptical – I’d seen game jams done but a game jam on larps? And a game about playlists to share emotion?

I was never so happy to be wrong. Stereo Hearts proved to be a moving, extremely engaging game with some fantastic use of Nordic metatechniques. I don’t think I’d ever engaged so quickly or so deeply in emotional relationships in a LARP. Afterwards, I felt emotionally exhausted and yet happy, as I’d been deeply touched by the depth of internal struggles we’d experienced in a brief game.

That is a great way to describe most of my week in Oslo – emotionally exhausted and yet happy. I had never imagined that immersing myself in the Nordic LARP scene would require me to open up quite so much of myself, both in games and in inter-personal relationships. I spent a lot of the time meeting new people and discussing the differences between LARP cultures in different countries, and as a result met a lot of wonderful, friendly, intelligent folks from more countries than I could name. Personally, the games that I was introduced to also required me to dig deep into my own emotions to feed the role-play and I soon found myself exploring some deep-down emotionally intense places both during and after events.

I soon realized why the Nordic larp tradition focuses intently on what is known as debriefing or after-care, in which organizers go over the events of the game and how players felt about what went down. While this might sound very touchy-feely to gamers from America, this culture of after-care is instrumental in giving players an avenue to express what they felt in a game should they feel the need. I found myself being open and honest about how events in character felt and what I was thinking about after the game ended, a space that I often find lacking in American LARPs. I also found myself talking extensively with other designers and larp academics about the emotional implications of the idea of ‘bleeding’ in and out of ones character, whether that was ‘healthy’ and whether or not after-care was needed – all fodder for a blog post all it’s own shortly.

Overall, the week in Norway provided me with insight into how the community worked and gave me a great taste of what’s to come. Because if I believed that four days in Oslo with Nordic LARP was intense, I was nowhere prepared for the awesomeness of Knutepunkt 2013.

To be continued…